Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Secret Behind True Happiness

It’s funny that I chose to write this piece right as I was listening to Mary J. Blige’s song Not Gon’ Cry from the Soul Food Soundtrack (I’m a big lover of oldies soul music by the way…70’s were the best!!!).

As I was listening to the song and its message I remembered several discussions I have had over the years with friends, family and people just seeking my advice. One of those major issues was being unable to live a happy life and a life of fulfillment.

Over the years people I know have been unhappy with their life, be it relationship, issues with family or friends, career, feeling as if their life has no purpose or no direction. For example, your significant other isn’t doing the things he/she use to that made you fell in love with them in the first place; parents not understanding who you are and what you want; not being able to be the person you truly want to be because you’re afraid of what your friends may think of you; you’re in a dead end job and it seems as though you have no future where you are; your in a degree programme doing something you hate because everyone tells you “it’s better to have a degree than none at all”. Sounds familiar? Whatever the case may be it happens because we are all human and we are all exposed and prone to these things happening.

What I have realized from personal experience and the experience of others is that unhappiness, no matter what form it may come in, has one common trait, you’re unhappy because you are trying to please others and not yourself. As I always tell people, nothing is wrong with being selfish when it comes to your own happiness, because in order to be happy you have to be happy with yourself. Don’t be confused with what I am trying to say, I’m not saying selfishness should become a part of you…NO! What I’m saying is there has to be a balance, one must know when to compromise to please others and when not to in order to please yourself and be happy, and there is a limit between the two. When one constantly compromises and the result seems to be the same dead end road at each turn, which seems to go nowhere, then you know it is time to start thinking about you and what you want.

Now, to the question everyone wants answered, “What’s the secret behind true happiness?” It seems so difficult yet is so simple it blows the mind:

  1. Identify what is making you unhappy- this could be a person, a situation, even your very physical environment will make you unhappy. Once you have identified what makes you unhappy, you can find ways to make it happy or if it isn’t possible then GET RID OF IT; don’t become attached to it and don’t tell yourself you can compromise or you can control it, because in reality YOU CAN’T, because not having control over the situation is the reason you are unhappy in the first place.

  1. Find out what you consider to be true happiness- true happiness from person to person will vary, not everyone experiences happiness in the same form; for some waking up in a good mood each morning is happiness, having a special feeling for the one you love is happiness, having a sense of accomplishment and success is happiness.

  1. What makes you happy- once you have found what you consider to be happiness then you identify what makes you happy, not what others think will make you happy, not doing something pleasing to others will make you happy, but what makes YOU happy and then listing them.

  1. Making the change to true happiness- this is probably the most difficult of all the steps and I’ll explain why in a while; this step involves making the transition from unhappy to happy: once you have identified what makes you unhappy, identified what you consider true happiness to be, and identified what makes you happy, then you get rid of the bad and bring in the good; now the reason why I mentioned this is the most difficult step is this is where the battle really gets hard, from people telling you that you shouldn’t and what you’re doing is wrong, and its best to play safe than be sorry and blah blah blah, not to mention the inner battle you must face with yourself, trying to decide if the move is the right one or not, or realizing you’re too attached to let go; the best thing to do is not allow fear to control your actions, fear of letting go, fear of what people may say or think, and the fear of what if it doesn’t work out the way you hope it to; but in order to experience the true happiness that I am referring to there has to be a point where you break from your comfort zone, ignore what all say or do even if it is your very family who may dissuade you, and hell….just go for it. I did and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier in my life, truly relieved, truly unstressed and unburdened, and absolutely no regrets about it. All that’s left for me is moving forward, no looking back.

Sooner or later we will realize that in order to truly be happy with ourselves and our life, there has to be great, grim sacrifices, and we must be willing to do what makes us happy and not what makes others happy.

What I have realized is: if you do bad people will say bad things, if you do good people will still say bad things, and if you do nothing, believe it or not, they will still say bad things. What I try to live by is “its better to have them say bad while I’m doing good”, because then what they say are only assumptions, there is no proof to back it up, but if you do bad then you will prove them right, and if you do nothing that simply means that you have kept silent and have given them confirmation that you accept that what they say is true…basically my message is have a positive voice, prove to others that what they say has no truth to it because the way you live your life will say others.

Final message: know what makes you happy and JUST DO IT **insert Nike sign here**


Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Truth of the Matter

It’s both ironic and amazing that as human beings we are always protesting how we don’t like being lied to, whether in a parent-child relationship, government-the people, intimate relationships, and friendships. Yet over the years I have seen, heard and experienced that as human beings we are afraid of the truth, even I at one point, especially if that truth can be hurtful, disappointing, or heartbreaking.

People are afraid of hearing and accepting the truth, for the particular reason that they see the truth as a mechanism that disrupts their perfect, harmonious world. It wakes them from a dream state to the harshness which is reality. It brings destruction to their hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Be careful not to misunderstand what is being said, with the hope and dream of attaining success and achieving greatness, which is linked to your career and future. What I am referring to is the truth that stems from a relationship, a personal bond between two people, be it a friend, kin, or lover.

What people need to realize and understand is the truth is there not as a means to create discomfort in your life or situation, it is there to cure you from the imperfections of yourself, so that you may grow to be a better, more fulfilled person, inner growth from the inside out. It serves as a means to break free from mental enslavement, in the sense of allowing fear of the truth to keep you from doing or not doing what you know is right or wrong, respectively. To help you not be dependent on a deluded state to provide security or comfort in an uncomfortable situation. To help you experience true happiness with yourself and your life, rather than believing what isn’t true to experience a happiness which truly isn’t there.

This is simply another form of fear that can hinder us from living our lives to its full potential and fulfillment; fear of failure, fear of hurt, fear that comes when there is no sense of security in your life.

When people tell you the truth, take their advice, and not just take it, DO IT. Even if you believe it isn’t true still question it, ask yourself: ‘could they be right’, ‘am I really who they say I am or am not’. Ask others if they believe the same about you or your situation, be careful not to ask people who will tell you what you want to hear, just because it sounds good doesn’t mean it is good.

Also, know how to differentiate between constructive truth/criticism and destructive truth/criticism. Constructive is when a person will tell you what is wrong and how to go about fixing it and helping you to be a better person; destructive is when a person tells you what is wrong and condemns you for it.

So in essence don’t be afraid to hear and follow the truth, because with the truth you will grow into a more beautiful person than you were before and could ever imagine you could be.


Thursday, July 16, 2009


Got this from a group on facebook led by Mr. Delroy Whyte-Hall, you can check out his group:

Success is connected with continuous action.
It's largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
You're not finished when you're defeated, you're only finished
when you quit.

The most important quality essential to success is perseverance.
It overcomes almost everything, even nature.

You can have a fresh start any time you choose, for "failure"
is not in the falling down, but in the staying down.
It's not over until it's over.

If you've got the courage to stick it out, you'll attain your goal.
Winning isn't everything, but wanting to is.

© Copyright 2008

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Be not Discouraged to Attain Greatness

I was speaking to a friend of mine on Saturday about where we want our lives to be 5-10 years from now, and the type of success we would like to attain and the benefits that come with that success.

As we spoke she didn’t seem all that confident that she could achieve all that she said she wanted, mainly because of people saying it couldn’t be done or that she had been ridiculed in the past for her ideas and ambitions; some thought they were either unattainable for her, impossible or ridiculous.

My words to her after that were “you can’t allow the words or actions of people to demotivate and dissuade you from accomplishing your goals or desires, because people will always laugh at a dream that no one but you can understand.”

Case in point Edison and Einstein; today renowned as two of the world’s most brilliant minds, considered geniuses of their time. Yet these very same men were laughed at and considered insane when they first started out in their respective fields. Still not enough? Michael Jackson ridiculed by most, yet considered one of the greatest entertainers to date; Bob Marley prosecuted for being a Rasta, yet created some of the greatest music the world has ever heard and known; Jesus the true miracle worker, yet in his rise to greatness so many dissuaded him from doing the things they believed couldn’t be done like healing the sick, and condemned him once they saw he made his works a reality to all, and the list goes on.

So the message to everyone today is: don’t be afraid to be who you are and live your dream, the only person who can make that dream a reality or destroy it is you. Just believe in yourself and your dream; even when you’re laughed at and ridiculed still believe, when it seems unattainable, hopeless and impossible still believe, even when you try 99 times and fail, still believe that the one hundredth time will be it. These are the things that will set you apart from the others, distinguish you as a great from the average, be seen as brilliant amongst the simple minded, and make you extraordinary above the ordinary.

Being great doesn’t mean being the best at something, it means being able to do the things that no one else can do but you.

Every great achievement starts with a dream and ends with a fulfilled destiny.