Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Becoming a Beautiful Person (Part 3)

Now we come to the best part, the final stage, the final step, the part of true inner peace that very few people are able to experience, and eludes many of us. This is the stage I phrased earlier as ‘Reincarnated Inner Beauty’. Picture this: you confront the person that hurt you, you explain to them what they did and how it hurt you so that it may not happen again. Now one of two things will happen, either the person will apologize and try to make peace with you and save the relationship you both have, or they won’t care and leave you standing with a blank stare. Either response it doesn’t matter, remember you’re doing this for you not them. This is so the burden of hatred that you are carrying around gets lifted; this is the bridge that helps you to make the transition from ‘Wall of Pain’ to Reincarnated Inner Beauty’, from hatred to love. Once you’ve crossed that bridge with the help of forgiveness, forget the hurt and the growing can now begin. It starts with this one person, you have to change your entire perception of them, not seeing them as the person who hurt you and has filled your heart with anger, but as a person who you can see pass their faults and still appreciate them as a person. I always use this example to help: think about how things were with the person before they hurt you and how you perceived them then, now ask yourself, “If things hadn’t gotten to this point would you still feel the same about them now, would you still react the same towards them?” There is a strong possibility you wouldn’t. By doing that it helps you to look pass the negatives of the person and the situation, and focus on the positives and by doing that it helps you to look pass what they did, and see the good within them that exists. Now you’ve made peace with yourself and with the person what’s next?

Now you must learn to accept what cannot be changed, and that is that at some point in your life you will be hurt again. If it sounds a lot easier said than done chances are it is, but the point is it can be done. There isn’t any step by step process I can explain that you can follow to accomplish this, this has to be all Y-O-U. The reason for this is that it is a mindset that you must adopt and adapt to. Releasing all your inhibitions and the fear that hurt may come your way again. Be open to the fact that the next person that comes your way may hurt you, at the same time the next person that comes your way may love you more than you’ve ever been loved. The wonderful thing about this situation is that you are that much wiser so you can more readily identify a hurt situation from a love situation. In some cases you may not until it’s too late and fall into the same scenario yet again, don’t worry about it, that’s okay too. This is because in life the more mistakes you make the better you’ll become at what you do. You’ll learn even more how to readily differentiate between a love and hurt situation, and even if you are hurt yet again, you will now be more equipped to handle the situation and the hurt, so that it will not affect your daily life and the beautiful people in it. It’s best to love the next person just as much as the previous one, or even more; that way your inner beauty can never and will never be tainted by hatred. Yet again, easier said than done, but it can be done. Learn how to open up to the possibility of hurt; the more you do the more your mind opens up to the possibility of love…don’t get it? I’ll explain. By closing your mind to the possibility of hurt, you close others out of your life, since in order to be hurt in the first place you have to allow someone to get close enough to you to do it. You will live in constant fear of the repercussions that come with that hurt. However, by accepting that hurt is inevitable, there is no longer fear, and the absence of fear means the courage to do more and make bolder steps. You open your mind to love because now you open up your life for the beautiful people to enter it and the more you open up your life, the more beautiful people can enter. Just think of it as opening your arms, if its close no one can enter, but the further apart it is stretched, the more people you can hug and share your love with and vice versa.

Wow...what a long topic this is...the conclusion and final part to the series comes to you next week

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Becoming a Beautiful Person (Part 2)

Now that we’ve established what inner beauty, ‘Pure Inner Beauty’, and the transition from that stage to the ‘Wall of Pain’ stage is, I will now come back to what was mentioned before and I quote, “…many will never be able to understand it, grasp or practice it, simply because the world has left them with an incurable bitterness”. They will never understand it because they will never allow themselves to get over the hurt and open up to learn how to love again, they will never grasp it because inner beauty is now out of their reach and has been replaced by animosity, they will never practice it because they are still holding on to the past and to the hurt and bitterness, so it is all they are able to identify with and hence practice.

What you now need to realize is many people will spend the rest of their lives in this state for the simple reason they are unable to do or continue to do all the things that were just mentioned. It’s so hard to forgive what the person did to you because of how much it hurts and how you expected them to be the last person to do it. The reason why it is so hard to forgive is because you are of the impression that forgiveness is to the other person’s benefit, but what one needs to realize is that forgiveness does more for you than it will ever do for every person who has ever hurt you combined. Because let’s face it, while you’re there with the hatred inside for the person, that person is still carrying on living their lives to the fullest and enjoying every second of it. Forgiveness releases you from the bondage of your own hate, and comfortably allows you to live your life happily and open up to a lot of people around you. It literally lifts a burden from your shoulders, because it’s hard work to hate somebody, takes a lot of time, effort, energy, planning and avoiding to do.

Many will say they can never forgive the person because of the wrong they did and how hurtful it was. What many need to realize and accept as an inevitability, as I have, is hurt is unavoidable, you can’t escape it, you can’t run from it or hide from it. At some point you will let your guard down, you will open up and you will get hurt again, why?...because it’s basic human nature, and it will happen on countless occasion because the emotional side that makes us human cannot be controlled, as much as we think we can, truth is….we can’t. I could get into the psychological aspect of it but the document is long enough as it is, so I’ll save that for another day. There are some things we can’t control as human beings such as eating when we’re hungry or breathing; being hurt is just another of those uncontrollable, involuntary aspects of the human life. There are two ways to beat hurt: either accept it, stare it in the face and declare that it has no dominion over you or life and move on living a fulfilled life, or be alone, lonely and miserable for the rest of your life, and if you’re now saying “you can and it’s better than being hurt again”, good luck, let’s see how long that lasts, cause I can tell you that you may last long, but not forever. At some point it will hit and you will feel the frustrations of loneliness, not because it can be helped, but that’s just our human nature. Humans naturally, instinctively and unconsciously search for companionship our entire lives and to be without it is like being without a limb, we’re handicapped...

Next week we finally get to the best part..."Reincarnated Inner Beauty" Part 3 continues

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Becoming a Beautiful Person (Part 1)

Many will see this and their first thought is “hhhmmm…cosmetic, or beauty tips for my hair and body”, good try, but that’s not it. The beauty I am referring to is a beauty that transcends the very existence of life that even when explained, many will never be able to understand it, grasp or practice it, simply because the world has left them with an incurable bitterness.

The beauty that I refer to is inner beauty, the part of us that makes us sensational people, yet the part that is most ignored and most likely taken for granted by many. Firstly, I will go through a transitional process of two points of inner beauty that I refer to as ‘Pure Inner Beauty’ (the start) and ‘Reincarnated Inner Beauty’ (the end); everything in between is the bad that comes with the burdens of the world. Then after explain this process I will seek to explain how one makes the transition from ‘Pure’ to ‘Reincarnated’ inner beauty.

Looking from a general point of view, my definition of inner beauty is in essence someone who is beautiful on the inside; someone who can live and endure all the cruelty and hardships that come with being a part of this world, go through the most horrific of experiences, yet this very same person can still manage to emerge as a loving, caring person to everyone he/she meets. Able to share and show that love to everyone he/she may come across, regardless of who they may be or their importance in the person’s life. Now when we are born, and as a child this is the person we are, joyful, happy, loving, caring, care-free, untainted by anger or aggression. Hence, this is ‘Pure Inner Beauty’, being everything I just described as inner beauty, but as a child that is untainted by the harshness of the world, so it’s natural inner beauty, ‘a child’s innocence’.

This is the first stage; now, you’re living in the world, we come across hurt from friends, hurt from family, hurt from work through confrontations with your boss or co-workers, and hurt from a person that we once considered an intimate love interest, to be frank we experience some form of hurt, betrayal, and regret (even though I don’t believe in such a thing) in our lives. This is where we now make the transition from the first stage (Pure Inner Beauty) to the second stage which I will call ‘The Wall of Pain’. This is the stage where you have now experienced all the bad that the world has to offer, and more specifically that people can offer and how the person you consider closest to you can hurt you. You build a contained four wall area around yourself to protect yourself from the world and from any further hurt you may be exposed to. You use this to create your own comfort zone where you can maintain composure in the world, or at least appear to; still talk kindly with others and smile with others without the risk of getting hurt in the process or appearing as if the bitterness within you still exists. God forbid anyone dear tries to come close to that wall and be dismissed with a rejection and bitterness that not even death could compare to. You no longer know the meaning of true happiness, happiness from within, or love. There develops a feeling of anger and aggression and hurt that now shifts from a particular person to random people you encounter on a daily basis, and now there exists bitterness towards the world.

Part 2 coming next week...

Friday, August 7, 2009


The following piece is copyrighted, in order to re-post or use this poem please seek permission from the writer (Winston Henderson)

I see you from a distance, torn, beaten

A result of the cruelties this world has to offer

Happiness has left you for another

Only sorrow accompanies each staggered step

Items in a leathered bag, hoist over the shoulder

Such a burden you choose to bear on your own

Yet another weight looms over your head

You lift your head high to appear at ease

But trained eyes has seen the darkness

Hidden beneath…tainting the purity of your soul

Such a pain I feel in my heart for one so angelic

Such unkindness one so pure has to endure

It burns deep, disturbing the inner peace within

Try as I may to understand your pain

I fear I will never for only you feel its barbarity

No longer shall I sit and wait for the sun

To light paths, destroying the darkness

I clothe myself in the cape of justice

Shielded by the armors of generosity

Wielding a sword of compassion

Some call me kin, some friend

But you shall call me saviour

I will take your hand and lift you above the clouds

Be your crutch when reality gives you its weight to bear

Bring calm to your sea when the water becomes fierce

Rest your cares and worries in my hands

Release despair that joy may once again flow into your heart

Lay your head on my shoulder so I may stroke your hair

As if to shed anguish from your disturbed mind

Troubled I hold you in consoled arms

I embrace your pain and tortured heart as if my own

Soft fingertips will cast away tears from your eyes

I will weed the injustice of this world from your garden

Just to see a sweet rose and her smile once again

…and be Your Saviour

Monday, August 3, 2009

What is Impossible?...NOTHING!!!

“What's possible is anything. What's possible is everything. What's possible is possible now. What's possible is possible for you. You can't undo what's already happened. However, you can choose right now from a limitless array of what's possible as you move forward.” (Ralph Marston)

Too often we as human beings dwell too much in the past without realizing the greater fulfillment of the future. If one lingers in the past they won’t realize the endless possibilities the future holds. Let go of hurt, for this is how we find greater happiness; let go of failure, for this is how we find greater success; even let go of the person you were so that you may become the person greater than who you could imagine through growth.

Know even if you believe what has happened in your past will keep you from your desired future, this is not so. The only thing that can keep you from the future you want is you. Stop making excuses, blaming others, and blaming your state for your current situation. The time spent making excuses and placing blame can be spent more productively making plans and preparations for the future you wish to have rather than the future you think is defined for you. List your goals, who you are now, and who you wish to become, whether in your career or personal life. List how you plan on achieving those goals, and then be disciplined enough to take the steps to realize these goals.

Do not limit your possibilities, for all of us as people are a lot greater in our abilities than we realize, we just have to believe and become aware of it. Never limit your thoughts, even if you and others believe them to be unrealistic, it can become realized in time through hard work. If someone else is more articulate than you, brighter than you, has accomplished more than you, or better educated…SO WHAT. This doesn’t make them better than you, or that they have achieved what you cannot. It only means they have taken the time and discipline to achieve these things. Know that if you do as well then who knows maybe you’ll even become greater than they are. So never allow someone to let you feel less than your true worth because of their accomplishments or your lack thereof; because to be honest it’s not that they’re better, it’s just that you haven’t taken the time to show your true greatness.

Nothing is impossible, it’s just that the seemingly impossible are always the most difficult to achieve.